Old days

I just read old blogs which were written three years ago in Japanese.
I was impressed how much I decorated them nicely!
Looking at my blog now, omg, it's so boring ...

Some events flashed back and it made me almost cry
It was mentioned that I wanna be stronger in several blogs
I was frustrated by knowing how weak I was

Those reminded me of the reasons why I came here and stay

I was weaker but had more emotions toward everything I saw or experienced
Now after killing so many emotions for a long time, I became stronger but less emotion or passion

Or maybe I learned how to act stronger.
I still feel worried about everything but try not to think about it

I need to face my problems. I don't know how yet but at least I knew it three years ago

I read through examples of interview questions (in Japan)
"What are good/bad things about you??"
"Do you like yourself?"

kinda haaarrrd!!!

I've never liked myself ... I can list bad things... any good??

I have been avoid from facing myself but I guess I need to start ...

some thoughts

I am not supporting war or any kind of violent conflicts.
I have grew up in Japan for 19 years and been educated as "Japan was an evil and we have to regret forever"
Japanese education is very left wing thought. Yes it is good to avoid war or any conflict.
Now, it is a huge problem. Most countries which want more territory or power, would think if they imply war or pushing hard, Japan will agree with them.

Japanese government doesn't say Yes or No and always be in gray area by saying "let's talk about it later"

We have kept doing this for 65 years.
As a result, soldiers (well we have only Self-defense force) haven't been killed by war for 65 years

However Japanese lost all good spirit which our ancestors built in the past 20 century.


For other countries, Japanese fought for emperor however I believe emperor including loved ones.
I don't know how to explain but it was not just for religious reason or belief.

"I will fight for loved one and do not mind losing my life"
How do you feel if your partner say that to you.
Most Japanese would say "Do not fight, it will not do anything"
Yes, violence will never lead solution

however is it really okay to lost those spirits??
Of course I don't wanna die or fight, but if my loved ones are threaten by something.
I will fight for it and protect my loved ones. Even I have to lose my life.

Nowadays Japanese are careful about other's thought or feeling but not caring for others.
We had beautiful spirit and I believe it's still in our heart and hiding.

I like how Americans love their own country.
I like how Japanese love peace

And I believe those two thoughts can get along.

People who don't get my message.

So, I had a chance to talk to LDS missionaries, one is Japanese.
I listened to them and was very respectful about their belief.
I told them about my belief which is I believe millions... billions gods and re-carnation.
They gave me an assignment to read the book of Mormon. .... which i didn't lol
Well my excuse is it's hard to read in EVEN JAPANESE.
I had no idea the name of person or place.
So I was very honest to tell them I could not understand.

They gave me a Japanese written one and started explaining about praying.

Pray is for communicating the God (father) so you have to do everyday or every so often.
I told them I pray only once a year ... more like wish.
This is not insulting my gods but my gods are generous enough to simplify and reduce number of pray.
I am not crazy about my religion "Shinto" but this is what Shinto's churchgoer said on TV.
As long as you believe them, I will be protected by gods.
I just like the way Shinto is. Shinto also integrate with Buddhism.
That's why I tried to understand LDS.


However, they didn't get the concept at all...


They told me to pray at the end of meeting.
I politely refused because I feel like I am insulting the religion if I pray without believing it.
(I never put my right hand on my chest during American national anthem, just because I respect their patriot mind but I am not the one so I just stand up and stay still)

Yet they wanted me to pray, I kept refusing and told them if I start believe it I will.
Also I told them I will join if they come again to talk to my roommates and IF I WANT TO.

This Sunday, they came again and my roommate told me I should talk to them but I was very tired and didn't wanna do anything. So I refused it but she tried so hard to make me listen to them.

I believe the religion is something you learn with willingness to know more not forcing.
I would love to learn other regions but when I want to.

I like the way I believe right now and not necessary to change it.
I am happy so I just want them to leave me alone.

Now they discourage me to learn something new.
I don't hate them but they need to change how to convert or teach stuff they believe.


That was maybe last lesson in Utah.
I am very excited to go out of here and start new life.

NICU

so, I went to NICU for clinical. I didn't like it last semester but wanted to try again.



well, I could make sure I don't like it. lol
Maybe just because nurses there are very,,, unprofessional.
I thought some nurses are for clubbing by looking at their makeup and huuuuge earings.
My nurse was very professional and bitter.
She doesn't smile as much but very educated.
Oh also she gave me the crappiest grade on my clinical.

Anyway, I had three babies with terrible moms...
One mom dropped off newborn baby (she is like 1300g) at hospital and left.
but there are the nicest parents adopted her.
I didn't know the women can produce milk without having a baby.
My nurse suggested her to produce her own milk and feed her little baby.
Only thing to do is pumping every two hours for 10 min.
She might need hormone shots but I didn't know it is possible.
Of course it will be less than after real pregnancy but still!!!
Women's body is very mysterious.


The other baby's mom was SSRI user. well, she just might need to take them but baby had a respiratory depression. He was okay when i was there but he doesn't know how to suck milk from the bottle so IV was needed to feed him.

The last one is a month old baby. so he is very big for NICU patient.
His mom was abused by Oxycodone (percocet) during her pregnancy
She took it 30mg every two hours
When he came to NICU, he couldn't stop crying, had hoarse and agitating.

I just can't believe how people can do to their own babies!
At the end, the baby was smiling at me and try to get attention just like other a month old baby.
I was holding him for 30 min (because I didn't want to listen to my nurse's teaching)
I don't know when I will have my baby, but I kinda liked it.

So it was actually better experience than before because last time my nurse didn't let me do anything.
but this time I was doing it without asking it (well it's just diaper change)


I think I just loved ER (even I was very slow for nurses :(. ) and med-surg.
Hopefully I can get those job at first in Chicago... or Oregon?
wherever I am going.

Mmm

I'm stressed out but this sky made me feel lil tiny bit better :)

Caramel apple

Mmmm homemade caramel apple after 12hrs shift at E.R.

Some connection

My preceptor shift is over and now I really have to study for next week... if I don't get certain percentage,,, I will screw....

Yesterday, I found the paper with email address on.
I figured out it was from one of my patient.

Well, I poked him twice and missed it but he was so patient with me and gave me email address.
I just sent email and he wrote me back saying I will be a good nurse :)

Also, my preceptor told me so too.

just need more time to get used to it

My second semester, one of my professor asked me if I have any confidence in the patient's room.

I said no

Then she decided to make me come extra clinical days
I was so embarrassed and even cried

Since then, I had been traumatized to be in patient's room.
So I talked to my preceptor about it and try to force myself to be in patient's room as long as possible
also, I researched all meds before I gave them so i can explain... well that one didn't work out well haha
just because i couldn't remember so many at once.

I don't have confidence about myself in general.
I am always scared to death when first meeting people


anyway, i don't know what I wanted to say in this blog haha
Today, I looked up my RN license application for Illinois.
I haven't done anything yet because I want to focus on test next week
sometimes it freaks me out to know I will graduate and be more independent
I am scared of looking for job, going to the place where I don't have any friends and taking test...

So many paper works, homework, school stuff

but I wanna do something fun in Utah with my friends

then, if I get everything done, I wanna visit Japan.
It has been more than two years not to see my family.
If I was American, I would die haha

But now I think it's time to spend time with my family for a little bit
I really need it

handling tragedy

My preceptor was sent home around noon and I followed different nurse after.
She recently lost her 27 years old son and is a single mother of four.
She is good looking, always cute outfit (scrub)...
But I thought she is very cold person just because she is not a lovie-dovie person.

I had this nurse a year ago when I was told I was not doing good by my professor.
She encouraged me by saying that she was not doing well during nursing school.
Since then, I had a little special feeling about her. She is actually care about me not just saying.
I really respect her and actually wanted her to be my preceptor.

Today was her first day of working since her son passed away.
She brought her son's DVD with lots pics and videos.

I heard she found her son on the floor.

How terrible is that?
It is nobody's fault but she is a nurse and tried to revive him... and couldn't make it.
She was spaced a lot today but still working hard and cared about patients.
I love the way she treats her patients.

How would I react for loss of my loved ones?
She is a strong woman and I really respect her.


People have to go through so many tragedies but react to it differently


I had a patient who has to go hospice. Her family looked very disappointed but still act very cheerful.
I am always impressed by people.


人(human)
this letter stands for two people leaning on each other

human cannot live alone.
we lean on each other

That's why we are so sad when we lost other people...

What makes cheating??

The other day, I just talk to my friend in Japan. She told me she has cheated on her bf and really regret. They are still together and she decided not to tell him until she dies (the secret will take to her grave). I used to strict about cheating. I considered as cheat if my bf goes out with a girl, holding hands, kiss, of course sex, and flirting. But I just noticed my view of cheating changed a lot!!!

I would say, going out with a girl friend is okay. I would rather know who it will be but I don't think it's cheating at all. Holding hands.... I think that is kinda cheating because I can't think any reason to hold my male friends' hands... Kissing on the cheek is totally fine but not on the lips, and of course sex is cheating. Flirting is very difficult to say, if he clears he has a gf, I would think it's ok to flirt.

hmmm, people can change a lot in 6yrs.
But if I decide to cheat, I won't be able to keep a secret so had to break up, and I don't wanna do this so I will never cheat.

I don't know how my friend can keep in a secret. I can't say if it's good for her bf or not.


Also, if I was her bf, do I wanna know the fact my gf cheated on me??
yea, I need to know that. lies always piled up and ends up the worst problem.

I would say that I have never been cheated on. but who knows lol
But I have no way to figure out which makes me happy.


It would broke my heart f*cking hard if somebody cheated on me!!!

I haven't had to worry about it so far. which is very good :)

Face to Reality

I had a clinical at imaging of angiography. It was basically you put tube into the body with looking at x-ray.
It was very impressive how the doctor did easily and fast.


There was a patient with liver failure. He is very skinny but tummy.
I don't know if you have ever seen the pic of starving children in Africa.
He was just like that.

The doctor put tube and connect to 1000ml bottle and he filled the 2300ml (1.5bottle)
Basically he cannot handle all fluid in liver and leak to third space.
I couldn't believe how much human can hold water in the place which is not supposed to.



There is another patient who fell the tree in childhood and was coma for a month
As a result, he has mental retardation. Also schizophrenia, depression and tumor in testicles.
His testicle is bigger than two soft ball,,, maybe half of basketball.
He got CT scan and biopsy. But it scared him and he ended up urinating on the CT scan.
Even worse, the doctor poked his major artery  in accident. (procedure location was very hard and close to artery).Even even worse, he does not have enough clot factors.
It means he cannot stop bleeding.

I don't know what happened to this patient after because I was stuck in Angiography.


Maybe I should keep these rare experiences at clinical now on.

Summer Wars

I just watched animation movie called "Summer Wars."

Nowadays, if most people hear somebody who states "I love Japanese anime," they immediately consider this person as an Otaku which is kinda like geek. Animation is for those kinda creepy people or children. But I have to say, Japanese anime includes various contents for children, adults, and people who is otaku. I grow up with animations made by Hayao Miyazaki. He usually describes how people and others (other creatures) live together. When I was little, I didn't get this concept but still watched because the pictures are beautiful, and machine and creatures in these movies are very unusual.

this is from My Neighbour Totoro" Totoro is green guy and my favorite one is cat bus on the left.

This anime shows a good Japanese countryside. My family told me the little girl with twin tails looks and acts just like me lol

This one is about how people and huge bugs can live together but in the movie it's like a war between human and bugs. I think this movie was made in 1984 but still shows current situations. Different thought, race and religion causes war.

Anyway, I wanna come back to the movie, Summer Wars.

tadaaa

Then here is a trailer

I would say I liked this movie more than Avatar. My hands were so wet by my sweat and cried couple time in this movie... So if you think animation is just for children or geeks, please watch this and tell me your thought :)

The first...

Plasma donation

Mmm good volunteer

I just had BBQ and Fondue party in last two days.

BBQ was Japanese style and for my friend's bf back to ... St. something (it's country, now I heard 5times and still can't remember)We went to canyon park in cedar and met professor for my old major.

Next day, I had a fondue party with my nursing classmates. We stayed until midnight and had sooooo much fun :)

I noticed I have different style of friendship depending on Japanese or others. When I can speak Japanese, I can show everything and laugh easily. BBQ day was soooo fun and laughed entire time. Also, I am able to notice a little details how people think in Japanese. Maybe because I know how they feel as Japanese. Somebody starts BBQ and others prepare different things,,, then clean up etc... it is so organized and not only one person do everything.

American friends, it is very hard to laugh together. But this member at fondue party, I always laugh just like with Japanese. These friends are very rare and I really wanted to keep them as friends all the time! They don't judge but care about others but still super funny. During the first couple month in nursing program, I thought I will be alone and never have any friends to hung out. So I am so happy to be involved in this group and can have my opinion.

My bestest friend in Japan just got engaged. We have been friends before we even started walking. We never talk when I am in US but whenever I go home, we always hung out just like when we were kids.

She wants to be a opera/musical (not sure) singer, she is talented and sang solo in play we did in elementary school. Since then, we sang together a lot but never seen her singing on the stage until when I was 20. I went to her high school concert which she sang as an OB. I was shocked and didn't realized how good she was. My tears came out naturally and couldn't stop even I had no idea what she was singing about because it was Italian.

We fought a lot when we were kids. But after all fights, we just accept everything and never fought since... elementary school?? wow!

She is never on time, do everything slower than everybody and rarely gets mad.

I am always on time (used to be haha), do everything as fast as I can and always grumpy.... (well not after I grow up)

She is a cute feminine girl and I was tan boy.

I have no idea why we got this close but we are like twins.

After I got email about engagement from her, we talk a little bit more about ourselves.

We changed a lot but our friendship hasn't changed at all.

She told me she will have her wedding in 1 or 2years. So, hopefully I can attend to her wedding. If I can't, I will hate myself.

I wonder when I can go home next. I really miss my friends and family in Japan.

Hormon

This tree might want to be this bautiful flower

This flower might want tm be this strong tree.

Everybody wants to be somebody else who is completely different person.

When you have too much those feelings, it seems ugly.

I wanna be a person who can appreciate what I have and tell others how great they are.

I'm still in a process.

Just having emotional moment because school starts soon and my body is having hormonal changes. Lol

My 25th bday

I had a birthday party on June 17th. I asked so many people to come to Las Vegas with us and have so much fun!!! But only one friend came :( but you know, we had so much fun and made dance buddies at this club. We went to Foundation room in Mandarine bay (I have no idea how to spell it !! lol)

The security guy didn't have our name on the list so we had to wait and talked to my friend who set up this amazing place. Then, everthing was fixed and there was surprise from my sweet friend ( she was in Hawaii with her family at the time)


Yes, free vodka bottle with pinapple juice and cranberry juice!!!!! Of course we couldn't finish so I really really wished all my friends came with us!!!!! grrrrrr!


We were shy at first time, but the more drink we had, the MUCH less shy we became!!! We danced with ladies (two HOT white girls, emo girl, hispanic girl, black girls and old ladies!!!!) One of black girls told me she liked our move!! wooo hooo (somehow I feel more proud because black girls usually move crazy !!) hehe


I really appreciate Misae who came with me :) If she is not my friend, I would have spent lonely time on my birthday,

Also Stephanie, who set up these wonderful opportunity.


and and Lizzy who ditched us on my birthday but she made up for it later :)







Jeff, thank you for your sweetest present. I loved them and will bring to CA !!!!!





Misae gave those pics today. I had a bad day yesterday so these pics made me so happy and feel like I can handle whole situation I have now.

My buddies

They are the best coworkers (oneis missing ) 

At work

Eight hours Monday through Friday. I have to wake up at least 515am ... and now other job started. I basically have no life...

But this weekend was very satisfying :)

Clean, make chocolate marble bread, have cheese cake and coffee , game party, hiking in the morning .

Mmmmmm I wish weekend wouldn't finish :(

Busy week will start soon... sad :(

Free time

My flight departure was 1.5hr late because one of flight attendant had a family emergency.

I had only 40minutes between airplanes . So I was late :( it was sad to see Jeff later but I couldn't blame on anybody. Well that's nobody 's fault.

But the lady at counter was very unprofessional. She looked mad and yelled at us

"if you miss flight, go to G 10 ! "

So we lines up there and nobody was at the counter

Finally one guy came over and told us to reschedule our flight. And I figures out my flight is 735 pm ... I was there 130ish

Uhhhh

I was hungry and thirsty. That always gives me grumpy

So I get salad ( 6$ off yay) and huge water bottle.

Then I went to restroom and straighten my hair... yea I was that bored.

It's funny right after I started straightening my hair, most all ladies looked at mirror longer

One lady started to putting makeup on and talking (to herself ? Don't know haha)

She said

"Shit there is no drier"

So I offered my hair dryer and we both were setting our own hair

Another lady started to put makeup with us.

It was very interesting situation.

I always have some nice meeting anytime my luck is down

Anyway

Finally only 1.5hr to go!

6am

Snow? It's almost May and it snowed .... how interesting

I am leaving here in 10 min and finally my dream will come true tomorrow

Endless road

It seems there is no end on this road. Sometimes I wanna stop going on because of steep slope.
Is this worth?
What is there at the end?
Stop completely or just slow down?

I usually slow down.
Because I always believe all roads take me somewhere worth my efforts.

Sometimes I hurt people by going too fast and never notice details just like getting annoyed by grass or flowers on the sidewalk.
Then I get hurt by realizing how much I hurt the person.

I am lucky to have people who don't give up on me.

I am a fool and repeat same mistakes over and over.

I need to go forward though
The little things scare me to pass cross road

But I have somebody who always holds my hand and go to one place together.

I feel comfortable and never wanna lose it.
The fear of losing precious thing made me bad blind

I wanna have hope instead of fear
I wanna have confidence instead of guilty

I wanna change myself instead of others

I wanna be with the person instead of a person

I need to slow down to see how lucky I am to have what I have right now.

I need to tell somebody I love him the most and will always trust him no matter what

I don't have any good words to tell my real feeling

Tell me if somebody has any good word which is deeper and stronger than I love you

So I can use the word for the person

The red thread never gets disconnected if love is still there

I will devote all my effort to keep this thread strong and stable.

I miss Japan

When I see blue sky and cherry blossom ( not sure this is the one but close enough )

Crazy snow in April

Yea yea it's Utah. We did Japanese style BBQ today .
I met couple people I have never met but they are so nice and fun to talk.
I have been scared of Japanese because they usually hate me but I had really fun today :)

Good foods and people always give me energy.

One more week to go!
I can't believe this semester is almost over. I had good ad bad days.
Especially I had bad days lately...
But only one more week and I can see Jeff :)

I am so excited and feel like the first time to see him.
This is the one of few few things about long distance relationship.
Always fresh feeling and appreciate to have a chance to see him.

I miss him crazy like today's weather.

Choice

Rain or sunny?
BBQ or baby shower ?
Care or careless?
Nap or stay awake?
Study or fun?
Happy or sad?
Mad or give up ?
Do my best or lazy?
Continue or discontinue ?
Tell or hold?
Myself or others?
Tease or honest?
Love or hate?
Gain or lose?

Sometimes I don't wanna pick either of them.

Do you think ...

Do you think you become more sensitive to beautiful things when you are stressed out?
I do. Before going to library to finish my ridiculously huge homework (and ended up staying for four hours), I saw this t-shirt hanging on middle of the campus. It gave me a little bit energy.
I love to share those feeling with others ( whether they understand me or not)
Especially somebody I feel very close...

Sky

Sky makes me happy. It is still chilly but walking with listening to birds' singing is very relaxing :)

That's how we make long distance little bit easier

Most of the time we don't talk.
But I can feel so much closer compare to talk on the phone or text couple times a day .

Sometimes we even mute each other and other time I just listen while he is typing, singing and playing piano.
Knowing I'm not alone make me feel lots more secured.

Maybe girls would say how sweet we are.
And guys would ask what kind of torture it is lol

I am glad he is not one of them :)

The first post from phone

Yay I made it :)

Spring!?!? no,,, still winter

It was beautiful weather yesterday,

nice and warm, so I didn't need jacket and my skin felt wind

bright sunshine, so I couldn't open my eyes but it is pleasure pain

strong wind, so my hair was flowing !! I love it because I feel like flying

and I found spring (pic)

and today, it is snowing right now. I just don't get this weather in Utah... CRAAAAAZYYY

Now I am writing this with listening my choco is playing piano. It made me relaxed :)

I just wish it was like this last night ...

all night will have morning,

all winter will have spring,

I just have to be patient and go through

せっかくスペシャルな日だったのに

台無しにした。

誰にも相談できる相手もいないし、どうしていいかわからないから

ここに書いてみる。

ただただ私は最低な彼女だ。

彼氏の誕生日にむこうが忙しかったらいらいらして、

自分の誕生日プレゼントを押し付けるようにあげて、

それで十分なテンションがもらえなかったからって　ふてくされて、

こんな大事な日なのにウェブカムもなしになって、

ほんと、私何やってるんだろう。

こういう一番大切な日に頑張りすぎて、空回りしてしまう。

今まで何回も何回もやってきた失敗。

どうしていまだに繰り返してるんだろう

25間近にもなって、相手のことも考えられない自分勝手。

今まで何を学んできたかまったくわからない。

あんなにいい人とはめったに出会えないのに、

自分から別れるきっかけを作ってる。

お互いのコミュニケーションの仕方の違いから

今は苦しくて死んじゃいそう

これじゃぁ今までの元カノと一緒じゃん。

ジェフを幸せにするどころか不幸にしているばかり。

いつも、自分は特別になろうと思ってた。

英語は完璧じゃないし、

頭もジェフほどよくないし、

地球を守ろうなんて十の昔に思ってたくらい

でも、彼女としては一番になりたかった。

ちゃんと安定した、頼れる彼女になりたかったから

だからいっぱいサプライズを考えたり、

毎朝ちょっとだけ時間を作って　どれだけ大好きなのかジェフが寝てる間にメッセージを残したり。

ジェフを幸せにしたかったからやってきたのに、

思った以下の反応だと逆切れ。　

それじゃぁ　この世のひどい彼女全員と匹敵するくらいただのＢｉｔｃｈだよね。

待つのは大嫌い。

だって大抵いつも答えはＮｏだから。

どんなに期待して待ってても、いつのまにかキャンセルになってる。

で、『こんなに待ってたのに、楽しみにしてたのに』ってなって

どうしようもなくなる。

独り身だったときは、まったくなかった。

多分誰に対してもまったく期待をしないでいたからだとおもう。

ジェフは他の人とはちがう。

一日一日、どんどん好きになっていくにつれて、どんどん欲もでてくる。

前の彼女にはこういうこと書いてたのに、

私の時には一切ない。。。

フェイスブックのＩｎ　ａ　Ｒｅｌａｔｉｏｎｓｈｉｐもほぼ強制だし。

久々に恋をはじめたら、前回の恋より悪くなってる。

ほとんど最初の恋愛に近い。。。

やきもちは焼かないようにしてるし、過去のことは聞かない。

だってどんだけジェフが元カノを愛してたかなんて　知ったら耐えれるわけない。

だから気にしない振りして、強気に振舞ってみる。

でも内心いつも心配で、ジェフが違うことに没頭してると

たまに不安でしかたがなる。　

もしかしたら私なんて彼の中での優先順位かなり下なんじゃないかって

考え方の違い、解決法の違い、

今はただそれが重く心にのしかかってる状態。

遠距離恋愛ってこんなに難しかったっけ？

もっと簡単な物だと思ってた、

今まで何回もしてきたのに、、、

成長するどころか前にもどってる状態だね。

どっちが悪いとかもわからない。

ただ意見の違い。

だからこそ解決法がないように思える。

本当に小さな喧嘩なのにどうしていつもここまで深刻になるんだろう。

私がすべていけないのかな。

もう学校のストレスもあるし、お金の心配もしなくちゃいけないし、

タックスも間に合うかわからないし、本当に看護師に向いてるのかとか、

本当に今やってることがあってるかとか、せっかく皆協力してもらって、

留学なんてほかの人じゃできないことしてるのに　

こんな恋愛でつまづいて。

私本当、何やってるんだろう。

何でいつもこんなに弱いんだろう。

留学して、人より経験してきてるのに、

なんでまだこんな甘ったれなんだろう。

若いころはこれから大人になるなんて張り切っていたっけ、

私といれば誰でも幸せになるって。

顔も体もパーフェクトとは程遠い、

だからちゃんと人のことを考えられる　”頭のいい女”になるつもりだった

もちろんまだ時間はあるとおもう、

ただ今　ちょっと疲れてる。

すべてのことが一気に起こってて、何をどうしていいかわからない。

いろんなプレッシャーがのしかかって来る

何が正解で何が不正解なのかわからなくなってきちゃった。

恋愛も人生も、なんでこんなに辛くなくちゃいけないんだろう。

これはプレゼントの一部。。。

はじめてのＢｌｏｇｓｐｏｔ

なんかみんなやってるみたいなので　参加。

Ｍｉｘｉのやつをコピペしていくだけの　だらだらブログ。

多分ジェフしかみないんだろうね。

4/7/2010

『最近の私』

昔はのろけばっかりブログに載せてた私も最近じゃぁ書くこともままなってません。
書いたとしてもなんでもない鬱っぽい話ばっかだしねぇ笑

なんていうかぁ、経験からなのかねぇ、それか歳なのか、
それともまだ付き合いが浅いからなのか、
なんだかねぇ、

もう何がいいたいのかわかりません。

遠距離恋愛ＳＵＣＫＳ！
ってことですよ、つまり。

ごめん、ひっさびさに恋愛のことかくから何かいていいかわらんちん！

春休み中にむこうが遊びに来てくれました（唐突ｗ）
1週間の滞在。なんか、今回でやっとつきあってるーって思えるようになったのに
また遠距離。　

１９のときにアボさん（久しぶり！）を日本において来たときは
付き合ってるのが前提だったから　
”え、うちらって一緒だよね？”
なんて思ったことなかったから　今空中ブランコで足だけ板にのせてぷらーんぷらーんっていう感じです。

でも、彼はすごく努力してくれてます
家にいるときはウェブカムをずーーーーーーーーーーーーーーっとつけてくれてます
一緒に勉強したり、向こうがピアノ弾いたり、一緒に歌を歌ったり、向こうがおならしたり、
叫んだり、笑ったり、泣いたり、、、

あと最低7ヶ月は遠距離。
アボさんとは3年もしたのに　なんでしょうこの違い？
約一年ぶりに恋ってもんをして、動揺してんのかな？笑

今もウェブカムつけっぱなしでお互いまったく違うことをしてる2人。

先はまだまだ見えないけど、
うまくいきますよーに

もう恋愛の駆け引きとかめんどい。
ストレートでシンプルな恋愛で十分です。


と、よくわからない心境の私でした。