some thoughts

I am not supporting war or any kind of violent conflicts.
I have grew up in Japan for 19 years and been educated as "Japan was an evil and we have to regret forever"
Japanese education is very left wing thought. Yes it is good to avoid war or any conflict.
Now, it is a huge problem. Most countries which want more territory or power, would think if they imply war or pushing hard, Japan will agree with them.

Japanese government doesn't say Yes or No and always be in gray area by saying "let's talk about it later"

We have kept doing this for 65 years.
As a result, soldiers (well we have only Self-defense force) haven't been killed by war for 65 years

However Japanese lost all good spirit which our ancestors built in the past 20 century.


For other countries, Japanese fought for emperor however I believe emperor including loved ones.
I don't know how to explain but it was not just for religious reason or belief.

"I will fight for loved one and do not mind losing my life"
How do you feel if your partner say that to you.
Most Japanese would say "Do not fight, it will not do anything"
Yes, violence will never lead solution

however is it really okay to lost those spirits??
Of course I don't wanna die or fight, but if my loved ones are threaten by something.
I will fight for it and protect my loved ones. Even I have to lose my life.

Nowadays Japanese are careful about other's thought or feeling but not caring for others.
We had beautiful spirit and I believe it's still in our heart and hiding.

I like how Americans love their own country.
I like how Japanese love peace

And I believe those two thoughts can get along.

People who don't get my message.

So, I had a chance to talk to LDS missionaries, one is Japanese.
I listened to them and was very respectful about their belief.
I told them about my belief which is I believe millions... billions gods and re-carnation.
They gave me an assignment to read the book of Mormon. .... which i didn't lol
Well my excuse is it's hard to read in EVEN JAPANESE.
I had no idea the name of person or place.
So I was very honest to tell them I could not understand.

They gave me a Japanese written one and started explaining about praying.

Pray is for communicating the God (father) so you have to do everyday or every so often.
I told them I pray only once a year ... more like wish.
This is not insulting my gods but my gods are generous enough to simplify and reduce number of pray.
I am not crazy about my religion "Shinto" but this is what Shinto's churchgoer said on TV.
As long as you believe them, I will be protected by gods.
I just like the way Shinto is. Shinto also integrate with Buddhism.
That's why I tried to understand LDS.


However, they didn't get the concept at all...


They told me to pray at the end of meeting.
I politely refused because I feel like I am insulting the religion if I pray without believing it.
(I never put my right hand on my chest during American national anthem, just because I respect their patriot mind but I am not the one so I just stand up and stay still)

Yet they wanted me to pray, I kept refusing and told them if I start believe it I will.
Also I told them I will join if they come again to talk to my roommates and IF I WANT TO.

This Sunday, they came again and my roommate told me I should talk to them but I was very tired and didn't wanna do anything. So I refused it but she tried so hard to make me listen to them.

I believe the religion is something you learn with willingness to know more not forcing.
I would love to learn other regions but when I want to.

I like the way I believe right now and not necessary to change it.
I am happy so I just want them to leave me alone.

Now they discourage me to learn something new.
I don't hate them but they need to change how to convert or teach stuff they believe.


That was maybe last lesson in Utah.
I am very excited to go out of here and start new life.

NICU

so, I went to NICU for clinical. I didn't like it last semester but wanted to try again.



well, I could make sure I don't like it. lol
Maybe just because nurses there are very,,, unprofessional.
I thought some nurses are for clubbing by looking at their makeup and huuuuge earings.
My nurse was very professional and bitter.
She doesn't smile as much but very educated.
Oh also she gave me the crappiest grade on my clinical.

Anyway, I had three babies with terrible moms...
One mom dropped off newborn baby (she is like 1300g) at hospital and left.
but there are the nicest parents adopted her.
I didn't know the women can produce milk without having a baby.
My nurse suggested her to produce her own milk and feed her little baby.
Only thing to do is pumping every two hours for 10 min.
She might need hormone shots but I didn't know it is possible.
Of course it will be less than after real pregnancy but still!!!
Women's body is very mysterious.


The other baby's mom was SSRI user. well, she just might need to take them but baby had a respiratory depression. He was okay when i was there but he doesn't know how to suck milk from the bottle so IV was needed to feed him.

The last one is a month old baby. so he is very big for NICU patient.
His mom was abused by Oxycodone (percocet) during her pregnancy
She took it 30mg every two hours
When he came to NICU, he couldn't stop crying, had hoarse and agitating.

I just can't believe how people can do to their own babies!
At the end, the baby was smiling at me and try to get attention just like other a month old baby.
I was holding him for 30 min (because I didn't want to listen to my nurse's teaching)
I don't know when I will have my baby, but I kinda liked it.

So it was actually better experience than before because last time my nurse didn't let me do anything.
but this time I was doing it without asking it (well it's just diaper change)


I think I just loved ER (even I was very slow for nurses :(. ) and med-surg.
Hopefully I can get those job at first in Chicago... or Oregon?
wherever I am going.