Why why why...

Even after passing NCLEX, I just figured out there will be so many things to do.
Finish my resume
Apply for a job
Get a job
Get a supporter for my visa
Might have to take the board in Japan
Will I (we) be dependent or independent?
aaahhhhh
Everything is so difficult for me.

My life can never be simple? grrrr
Well I guess I was supposed to know when I chose to come to the US.

I just can't wait until having a real job.

Then, I will have another whole problem at work.

Life is great

RN!

I finally figured out that I passed NCLEX today :)

Now it's a job hunting time ....


But any who, I am so glad that everybody still cares about me hehe
I ate good sushi with my bf and got the cutest flower from Linda.
All my family and friends who I cannot physically see are celebrating me :)

What a happy day.
I saw hell and heaven in three days

What a day

I had a very stressful day of my life yesterday. 

I woke up early without alarm and started studying with hoping this is the last day.

Wrigley came up to my bed and snuggled with me.

The coffee is very sweet and woke me up.

Linda told me I need more confidence to take a test and to become a nurse.

I strongly agreed with her.

My feeling has been numb since I postponed the test last week.

I wished I could spend more time with Jeff but we both had a busy morning 

He kissed me and wish a good luck on my test by the station.

I went outside and it was very cold which made my feet with double socks frozen immediately.

In the train, I was doing anki and noticed that I can't even read any letters

I arrived at the testing center 3hrs earlier so decided to go to Starbucks which has only 8chairs by the windows and very loud workers

I decided to study for a while then the girl sat next to me and opened NCLEX practice tests.

We both are so nervous and now it's one hr before the test. We both stood up and went outside of the Starbucks. She told me she has to call somebody so I headed to testing room by myself.

I really wanted to call Lizzy. But also I was afraid of crying before test so I haven't told her my test date.

I waited for 30min in the waiting room then finally the lady called my name. She took my finger prints, palm prints and pic of my nervous smile.

I went to the testing room which all computer was separated by the little wall so you can't see the person next to you. There was instruction part which took 5min counting for my testing time. Then it finally started.

After 80 questions or so, I had the first break. I went to bathroom requiring the key to get in.

I looked at my face with pink cheek from hot room and told the girl in the mirror

"I can do this"

Back to the room and started taking questions again.

After 3.5hrs since starting the test, I got the second break

Now I had been taking about 150 questions.

I just wanted to finish.

After break, my mental got messed up and needed to stop taking questions for a while

Now I am on 200 question.

Last time I looked at the number was two hundred something.

Then the test suddenly shut down and led me to answer all surveys.

I was the last one

When I went out of the room, there was another guy who took the test and finished right before me.

We talked and went to a coffee shop 

I needed to calm down 

I finally had somebody who I can talk about nursing stuff.

Then I met Linda and she asked me how I did 

I answered I had no idea

But I really had a feeling I failed.

Anyway, we went home after a little Miata needed my push t o get out of snow pile.

Then we ate Indian dishes which made me so full and happy

I was waiting for Jeff to come back.

When I tried to sleep, I couldn't at all.

I heard Jeff went to his room after 2am

I started to listening Pandora radio with my eyes close after solved three hard level sudoku

The old good days flashed back to me.

It started Lizzy's saying 

"Do you wanna go basketting ?"

I had no idea the basketting means but just figured out it's kinda like a picnic

We went to the park in Cedar city, UT and put blanket on the field by the river.

We laid down and Lizzy started to turn on the pandora radio

Then, I remembered when I visited her in Vegas, she took me the park by the lake and we did same thing

We did 3-4times after she moved to Vegas

Suddenly my time tripped right before pinning ceremony.

I didn't get the grade I am supposed to on ATI

Automatically I called her and told her about it with crying while I was walking in the campus

I felt so stupid and don't deserve to become a nurse

she said

"You are gonna be a amazing, caring and the best nurse.

You are smart and I always respect how you made this far with your language barrier

NCLEX is the real test you have to worry about

I love you and really wish I could cuddle with you"

On the pinning ceremony, she came with her friend, Angel to my pinning ceremony to pin me!

On the stage when it was about time to pin me, she said

"You fucking made it, I respect and love you"

I couldn't stop crying during her pining me

I haven't talked to her for a month just because I am afraid of disappointing her 

I hope I can call her tomorrow and tell I pass

or just tell her I fail 

Either way, I will call her ... if I am alive haha

Anyway, I was crying in the bed all by myself and it was already 4am

I just started missing her so bad 

I woke up this morning around 9am 

Wrigley jumped on my bed like usual 

I feel calm by seeing her innocent face.

I feel so lazy so decided today, I become a lazy ass.